I hobbled out of bed this morning careful not to put pressure on my injured big toe. I had smashed it the night before in a devastating yoga accident while filming an intro segment for Wednesday nights Showcase Niagara show. It hurt so much but I’m pretty proud that the first words out of my mouth after impact were a terrible yoga pun as opposed to a curse word. True professionalism! You can view the ‘foot’age here and hopefully experience pleasure from my pain. It was bloody traumatic. Emphasis on the bloody!
The producers had requested that I ask the audience to support local businesses by emploring them to order take out from their favourite restaurants while viewing the show. I used this as an opportunity to give Rollin’ Pizza in St. Catharines a shout out, as it is my favourite pizza place right now and I want to make sure they stay in business. I shoot them a quick e-mail to let them know how much I enjoy their pizza and to mention and that they will be broadcast on TV later that week during our fundraiser. Hopefully it will bring some new customers their way and maybe they will make a donation to the United Way Niagara. Marie thinks I’m just e-mailing them hoping they will give me some free ‘za, but she can’t prove these unfounded accusations.
Marie is still upset with me because earlier this morning I had said that if we went to Hogwarts she would be in the Hufflepuff house and that I would be in Gryffindor. I stand by what I said but I can see she is annoyed so I try to calm the tension by yelling ‘GRIFFYNDOR’ in a spot on 'Sorting Hat' impression. Somehow this doesn’t lessen her despair. I say “Wow you are being such a Hufflepuff right now” and in retrospect that may have been a mistake, but I speak from the heart. That’s the Gryffindor way.
Today is one of my best buddies and long time side kick Jeffrey Stroops birthday. He loves his birthday more than any grown man should and usually we all get together for a fun bowling outing, but it sucks this year that we are stuck at home. I know how disappointed he will be to miss hanging out with his friends so I decide to drop by his house for a surprise visit. I know he loves the subs from the sub shop near my house so I stop in to grab a couple for him. Technically they will be wrapped so it will be kind of like opening a present. I’m surprised to find that the shop is cash only, which is the exact opposite of what I was expecting with the current pandemic. I hand the cashier a $20 and he hands me back what I’m sure is a filthy dirty COVID infested $10 bill. I make a mental note to wash it when I get home. Partly for safety reasons, but primarily so I can make a money laundering joke to Marie which I’m sure will get her out of her Hufflehuff.
Today is one of my best buddies and long time side kick Jeffrey Stroops birthday. He loves his birthday more than any grown man should and usually we all get together for a fun bowling outing, but it sucks this year that we are stuck at home. I know how disappointed he will be to miss hanging out with his friends so I decide to drop by his house for a surprise visit. I know he loves the subs from the sub shop near my house so I stop in to grab a couple for him. Technically they will be wrapped so it will be kind of like opening a present. I’m surprised to find that the shop is cash only, which is the exact opposite of what I was expecting with the current pandemic. I hand the cashier a $20 and he hands me back what I’m sure is a filthy dirty COVID infested $10 bill. I make a mental note to wash it when I get home. Partly for safety reasons, but primarily so I can make a money laundering joke to Marie which I’m sure will get her out of her Hufflehuff.
I drive to Welland and chat with the Stroopmeister for awhile (6 feet apart) and in the space of 10 minutes it goes from heavy snow to glorious sunshine. The world is a strange place these days. It was great to have human interaction with a friend although I couldn’t stay long as I had to return home to prepare for a fundraiser I was MC’ing. We were raising funds for my friend Jessica Victoria to publish her new book ‘So I said to my Anxiety’. I’ve done quite a few online shows now since social distancing began and am enjoying them more and more. I can’t wait until this Fridays Contagious Comedy show. I’m for sure gonna do my awesome Sorting Hat “GRYFFINDOR!” impression and get the validation it deserves.
Once the show is over I have an inspired idea to photoshop Marie’s head onto a Hufflepuff uniform and send it to her. Despite all the horrible things this pandemic has caused at least it gives me time to perform important tasks such as this. I rush upstairs to see Marie’s reaction when she checks her phone and I stub my toe on the stairs and scream in agony. Toe-tally worth it. I hobble over to the computer desk to slump in the chair until the throbbing diminishes. It hurts tremendously but changing the computer background to Marie’s new portrait eases the pain.
Once the show is over I have an inspired idea to photoshop Marie’s head onto a Hufflepuff uniform and send it to her. Despite all the horrible things this pandemic has caused at least it gives me time to perform important tasks such as this. I rush upstairs to see Marie’s reaction when she checks her phone and I stub my toe on the stairs and scream in agony. Toe-tally worth it. I hobble over to the computer desk to slump in the chair until the throbbing diminishes. It hurts tremendously but changing the computer background to Marie’s new portrait eases the pain.
I decide it’s time to upload another TikTok video because I am now hopefully addicted to the app and it is quite worrisome. My original video that hit 100,000 views and got me hooked in the first place is now sitting at a cool 250,000+ and I have another video that just reached over half a MILLION! I’m not sure how many views you have to get before Ellen calls to ask me to come on her show but I figure the call must be imminent. I wonder how much free pizza I’ll get if I shout out Rollin’ Pizza on NBC.
For dinner I make us a taco salad while singing Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ and ‘Hello’ back to back at the top of my lungs and not at all off pitch. I ask Marie which rendition she preferred and she says she enjoyed both equally. Such a Hufflepuff response!
For dinner I make us a taco salad while singing Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ and ‘Hello’ back to back at the top of my lungs and not at all off pitch. I ask Marie which rendition she preferred and she says she enjoyed both equally. Such a Hufflepuff response!
