I woke up this morning like a kid on Christmas all giddy with excitement. I had posted a TikTok video the day before that was blowing up and I wanted to see if it had hit 100,000 views over night. I have no idea what I’m doing on TikTok but if I can’t tell jokes to crowds then I will inflict them on innocent TikTok users instead. My video is at 99.1K views. I ask Marie if she can call up 900 of her friends and tell them to download the app and watch my video. She says she doesn’t have 900 friends. What a loser!
I head downstairs to work on finishing up my new Live on Quarantine video. I had finished the editing the night before but now just have to add subtitles which shouldn’t take long at all. 3 hours later I return upstairs grumbling and mumbling about timing sequences. I really hope several deaf people watch my video because figuring out the subtitles made me want to rip my ears off. The only good thing about it was that I thought of a funny joke to tell Marie. “Do you know what my favourite subtitled movie is? U-571”! She has no idea what I’m talking about and is too busy cleaning the kitchen to research why my joke is so clever. It's ok though because I explain it to her thoroughly which everyone knows is the key to making jokes extra funny.
I head downstairs to work on finishing up my new Live on Quarantine video. I had finished the editing the night before but now just have to add subtitles which shouldn’t take long at all. 3 hours later I return upstairs grumbling and mumbling about timing sequences. I really hope several deaf people watch my video because figuring out the subtitles made me want to rip my ears off. The only good thing about it was that I thought of a funny joke to tell Marie. “Do you know what my favourite subtitled movie is? U-571”! She has no idea what I’m talking about and is too busy cleaning the kitchen to research why my joke is so clever. It's ok though because I explain it to her thoroughly which everyone knows is the key to making jokes extra funny.
Marie tells me about the Good Morning America broadcaster who was causing controversy having given a newscast in his underwear and getting caught Live on TV in his gitch. I’m sure the glitch was intentional to get people talking and it worked like a charm. Maybe if I’d filmed my TikTok video in my boxers I would be at 100,000 views by now.
I look up the video of the GMA host and discover that it is Will Reeve, son of Christopher Reeve. I happened to meet Will down by the Falls a few months ago and he was a very nice fella who gave me tips about how to break into the media world. He didn’t give me his secret underwear tip though and the world is probably a better place for it. His Dad was Superman for crying out loud it's in his blood to have his underwear on display!
I look up the video of the GMA host and discover that it is Will Reeve, son of Christopher Reeve. I happened to meet Will down by the Falls a few months ago and he was a very nice fella who gave me tips about how to break into the media world. He didn’t give me his secret underwear tip though and the world is probably a better place for it. His Dad was Superman for crying out loud it's in his blood to have his underwear on display!
I decide I am going to attempt to go the whole day wearing my comfy Montreal Canadiens flannel pajama pants and nobody is going to stop me. I have a Zoom meeting scheduled at noon to discuss the media launch of our Showcase Niagara concert series that I will be MC’ing. Tim Hicks is headlining the first show on Wednesday and I'm pretty excited. I wear a smart shirt for the meeting and was very professional but they had no idea that I was Will Reeving it down below.
Afterwards, I head to the kitchen to make some food. My mother in law had dropped off a couple of pies for us the day before. Apple for Marie, Shephards for me. I pop it in the microwave and as Marie hears the beeps she looks up from vacuuming and says “Put a lid on it please!” I reply “You put a lid on it!” but only in my head as that’s the safest place for insults around a pregnant wife.
Afterwards, I head to the kitchen to make some food. My mother in law had dropped off a couple of pies for us the day before. Apple for Marie, Shephards for me. I pop it in the microwave and as Marie hears the beeps she looks up from vacuuming and says “Put a lid on it please!” I reply “You put a lid on it!” but only in my head as that’s the safest place for insults around a pregnant wife.
I’ve had so much screen time working on my computer the last few days (and constantly refreshing TikTok to see my views) that I decide I should probably head outside for some fresh air. We drive down to Dufferin Islands for a stroll and to see the ducks. I argue that the ducks would love my flannel PJ’s but Marie tends to disagree. I relunctantly pop on a pair of jeans, heavy with the knowledge that I’ve failed at another goal in life.
It’s not too busy so we are able to stay a safe distance from people and more importantly from the angry gooses. I spot a goose from a distance and tell Marie to take a gander. She says “I knew you were going to say that”. I don’t know how she possibly could because its been a whole week since I’ve used that hilarious joke on her.
We discover a teepee in the woods which gets me excited as teepees are my most favourite dwellings to take pictures inside. It’s a tight squeeze and I get covered in pine needles but it’s worth it because now I smell delightful.
It’s not too busy so we are able to stay a safe distance from people and more importantly from the angry gooses. I spot a goose from a distance and tell Marie to take a gander. She says “I knew you were going to say that”. I don’t know how she possibly could because its been a whole week since I’ve used that hilarious joke on her.
We discover a teepee in the woods which gets me excited as teepees are my most favourite dwellings to take pictures inside. It’s a tight squeeze and I get covered in pine needles but it’s worth it because now I smell delightful.
We head home and I walk through the kitchen to go get my phone which is charging in the living room. I discover that my video has finally hit 100,000 views and rush back into the kitchen to tell Marie. She is extremely impressed and not at all annoyed about the dozens of pine needles all over the kitchen floor that she had just finished vacuuming. I point out how nice and fresh the kitchen smells and not at all like salmon.
I have to film another Check Mates podcast soon and I worry that my sideburns are becoming too curly. Wearing pants and curly sideburns…I am a man of constant sorrow! Marie says I should try spiking it like Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius. That’s the 4th time she’s brought up Jimmy this month, I’m pretty sure she has a crush on him. For some reason I have a tube of spiking gel in my toilet bag which must be from the year 2002 during my Good Charlotte phase. The spiking is a huge success and I now look tremendously cool. Marie begins to swoon and I realize I’m on to something good. I take off my shirt and shower her in kisses and pine needles. That Jimmy really is a genius!
I have to film another Check Mates podcast soon and I worry that my sideburns are becoming too curly. Wearing pants and curly sideburns…I am a man of constant sorrow! Marie says I should try spiking it like Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius. That’s the 4th time she’s brought up Jimmy this month, I’m pretty sure she has a crush on him. For some reason I have a tube of spiking gel in my toilet bag which must be from the year 2002 during my Good Charlotte phase. The spiking is a huge success and I now look tremendously cool. Marie begins to swoon and I realize I’m on to something good. I take off my shirt and shower her in kisses and pine needles. That Jimmy really is a genius!
