As a wise woman once told me, April 25th is the perfect date. Not too cold, not too warm, all you need is a light jacket. I decided I was going to make the most of the improved weather, so I woke up early to make a nice breakfast. Marie still doesn’t quite trust me to make eggs, for reasons that will remain unspoken, so I decided to sauté up a batch of garlic baby mushrooms. Breakfast of champignons!
Marie has a pregnancy app on her phone that tells her how big our baby is in regard to fruits and vegetables. Apparently today our unborn child is the equivalent weight of a Pomelo, which I learn Is the principal ancestor of the grapefruit. I really hope that is a future answer on Jeopardy otherwise I don’t ever see use of that knowledge again. The app also tells us that Marie’s stomach is now the size of a soccer ball. The app is very brave because if I had said that I would have been in a lot of trouble.
We take this news as inspiration to get outside (safely) to go play some soccer. It felt so great to run around and play and to be honest I really needed the exercise. I don’t want my belly to become the size of a soccer ball. Or even a Pomelo for that matter. I brag to Marie that I have never been scored on by a pregnant woman before and 10 seconds later she scores on me. I obviously let the goal in on purpose to be a nice husband but she refuses to believe me.
Marie has a pregnancy app on her phone that tells her how big our baby is in regard to fruits and vegetables. Apparently today our unborn child is the equivalent weight of a Pomelo, which I learn Is the principal ancestor of the grapefruit. I really hope that is a future answer on Jeopardy otherwise I don’t ever see use of that knowledge again. The app also tells us that Marie’s stomach is now the size of a soccer ball. The app is very brave because if I had said that I would have been in a lot of trouble.
We take this news as inspiration to get outside (safely) to go play some soccer. It felt so great to run around and play and to be honest I really needed the exercise. I don’t want my belly to become the size of a soccer ball. Or even a Pomelo for that matter. I brag to Marie that I have never been scored on by a pregnant woman before and 10 seconds later she scores on me. I obviously let the goal in on purpose to be a nice husband but she refuses to believe me.
After soccer we rush home because it has been an entire 27 minutes since Marie last went to pee and she must go immediately if she is going to maintain her 48 times per day routine. My hair is sweaty from soccer and the fact that there is so damn much of it lately. Marie asks if it is the longest it’s ever been and I tell her about the time I used to have major sideburns. She doesn’t believe me so I show her the picture and she agrees that I looked super duper cool and not at all foolish and she wishes she had known me back then. It was emotional to scroll back through all of my facebook pictures to find the old photo. Seeing all the fun times I’ve had, and the friends that I’ve enjoyed them with really hit home how much I am missing everyone.
We decide to make a quick lunch before heading out to Queenston Heights for a walk and to visit our tree. I try to open a tin of salmon but the can opener is having issues and I am clearly struggling. I say “Ahhh more like cannot opener!” and turn to Marie because I know how much she will enjoy me saying this amazingly funny joke for the 5th time since we’ve been in isolation. She is making a smoothie and cutting up some strawberries and grapes because she hates the smell of salmon. I ask her if she is looking forward to my salmon farts later, then feel immediate regret that I didn’t say ‘fishy farts’ instead. I confess this to her and she agrees wholeheartedly that alliterative fart humour is much more high brow.
We drive to Queenston Heights via the Stanley Avenue industrial road and as a stench fills the car Marie asks me if I have farted. I promise her that I haven’t and that this road always smells because when they dug the big water tunnel a few years back they didn’t realize there was a large methane supply in the ground so now it always stinks. She remembers that I have actually explained this to her before. I remember that time vividly because on that occasion I actually had farted as I knew I could get away with it.
We drive to Queenston Heights via the Stanley Avenue industrial road and as a stench fills the car Marie asks me if I have farted. I promise her that I haven’t and that this road always smells because when they dug the big water tunnel a few years back they didn’t realize there was a large methane supply in the ground so now it always stinks. She remembers that I have actually explained this to her before. I remember that time vividly because on that occasion I actually had farted as I knew I could get away with it.
Brocks Monument greets us as we enter Queenston Heights and I am excited as this is one of my favourite places in the world. I am immediately annoyed however, as I see that they have installed new parking meters and will soon be charging ridiculous prices just to take a walk in the park. I don’t want to rant about it because then I won’t stop, but I wish whoever made that decision gets locked in a room with a fishy farter.
We stroll through the park and visit our tree that I planted there 4 years earlier. That was a particularly hot summer so I had to drive out there every day to water it so it wouldn’t die. It is growing healthily now thankfully, and I can’t wait to bring our daughter here to visit. Hopefully I will be able to afford the parking prices that will undoubtedly rise every year. We give the tree a quick pruning and a bit of water, which is a bad idea as now Marie needs to pee again.
I drop Marie off at home and then head over to Food Basics to buy some groceries. Its weird how going to the store now feels like a spy mission as I armour up in my gloves and mask and psych myself up to be in and out as soon as possible. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for the workers there. They literally put their lives at risk every day to go to work for less money than all the ‘non-essential’ workers are getting to stay home. It really upset me to see one of the cashiers being yelled at by some rude entitled lady because she was mad that there was a limit of one bag of flour per customer. I made a point of choosing that cashiers line when It was my time to check out so I could tell her how much I appreciated what she was doing and that I hoped she has an amazing evening. It was the yeast I could do.
We stroll through the park and visit our tree that I planted there 4 years earlier. That was a particularly hot summer so I had to drive out there every day to water it so it wouldn’t die. It is growing healthily now thankfully, and I can’t wait to bring our daughter here to visit. Hopefully I will be able to afford the parking prices that will undoubtedly rise every year. We give the tree a quick pruning and a bit of water, which is a bad idea as now Marie needs to pee again.
I drop Marie off at home and then head over to Food Basics to buy some groceries. Its weird how going to the store now feels like a spy mission as I armour up in my gloves and mask and psych myself up to be in and out as soon as possible. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for the workers there. They literally put their lives at risk every day to go to work for less money than all the ‘non-essential’ workers are getting to stay home. It really upset me to see one of the cashiers being yelled at by some rude entitled lady because she was mad that there was a limit of one bag of flour per customer. I made a point of choosing that cashiers line when It was my time to check out so I could tell her how much I appreciated what she was doing and that I hoped she has an amazing evening. It was the yeast I could do.
As I was leaving the store, I noticed that my poster for the Garden City Comedy Festival was still hanging on the noticeboard. I also noticed that my hair was much shorter and neater in the picture. I’m going to need new head shots at this rate. I don't dare let Marie come near me with a pair of scissors. Not after I've just bought 4 more tins of salmon. I load all the groceries into my car, pleased that I had managed to find almost everything on the list. Unfortunately, they were fresh out of Pomelos…