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Burn Baby Burn

5/23/2020

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I woke up late this morning from a fitfull sleep filled with numerous nightmares. I wouldn’t have minded the nightmares if they were due to eating too much delicious cheese before bed, but my evening prior had been sadly cheeseless. Foolish.

Marie was already up and doing her morning workout so I hopped in the shower and belted out a soulful rendition of ‘Bless your Beautiful Hide’ from '7 Brides for 7 Brothers' that would have made Howard Keel proud. Then I towled off and sauntered back into our bedroom to get dressed. As I entered the room, the pile of covers on the bed suddenly leapt up and went ‘Ahhhh!' very loudly.  This surprised me somewhat as I was definitely not expecting them to do so. As it turned out, Marie had been hiding under the covers and waiting to scare me, which she found hysterical and caused her to laugh uncontrollably for 12 minutes. She is adamant that I am not allowed to scare her back because she is 7 months pregnant. That just means I have two whole months to plan the perfect revenge scare.

We have a lilac bush outside of our kitchen window and it is finally in bloom and the lilaccy scent is drifting pleasantly into the house which gives us the idea to venture out to the Centennial Lilac Garden on the Niagara Parkway. The garden does not disappoint, and we spend a couple of hours picnicking on the grass and enjoying the scenery and smells. I always love visiting there but today is especially enjoyable because it is so nice to not be staring at a screen for awhile. There is an adorable old couple who have brought their own table, chairs, and table cloth along with a bottle of champagne and glasses. It is very sweet but inside I curse the man for making me look bad as all I brought for Marie was some takeaway KFC. 

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On the way home we stop in at Giant Tiger (my most favourite of all tiger sizes) because I had seen from a Facebook friend that they have tasty racks of ribs on sale for $4.99. I don’t eat ribs too often but I do enjoy them from time to time and they were on my mind as I’d just found out that this years RibFest was cancelled. I enjoy going to RibFest because you always run into people you know and it gives me many  opportunities to make the same terrible ‘ribbed for your pleasure’ joke multiple times year after year.
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After returning home I set out to begin vacuuming the pool to get it ready for the heatwave we are scheduled to get next week. As I walk outside I see that there is a cheeky little rabbit hanging out in the backyard. I think he is super cool but Marie insists he is a pest and always digs up holes and eats the vegetables from her garden. I decide I will be a hero and chase him away but he doesn’t seem scared of me at all and I literally have to chase him all the way around the circumference of the pool before he finally decides to scoot under the fence into our neighbours yard. If I’m going to get revenge on Marie for this morning I am going to have to step up my scare game.

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Once the pool is taken care of, I decide to try my hand at a different pool and play a few games of potting balls. Since social isolation began I’ve been practising daily at trying to pot all the balls on the table in as few shots as possible. My record so far is 18, which I’ve achieved twice, and I’m determined to break it. I get off to a good start and pot 2 balls off the break but I end up falling agonizingly short by taking 19 shots total. I can feel the rabbit mocking me from outside. Now I'm glad Marie didn't plant carrots this year.

I decide to take out my frustration by going to annoy Marie who is at the computer desk working on her online lesson plans for her students. The school has asked all of the teachers to make Bitmojis of themselves for some reason and now Marie has taken on the project with gusto and created her own virtual Bitmoji classroom to teach her lessons. I remind her how much she made fun of me when I made a Bitmoji last year but she pretends not to remember. It’s inspiring to see how much she loves her job and makes me want to come up with a new creative project of my own.

I had been chatting with my friend Mark Andrews the night before about ways to improve the online comedy experience to make it feel more natural. We agreed that having comics interact with each other in a panel/game show format could be a fun idea to explore so I jot down a few ideas to expand upon. It will take a bit of time to bring these ideas to life properly but luckily time is something I have in abundance right now. It was nice chatting with Mark as I am definitely missing my friends more and more with each passing day. I have lots of funny friends who make me laugh and they very seldom nibble on my garden vegatables which is an added bonus.

Later in the evening I text my buddy Rob Dorinzi to see what he is up to. He responds by telling me is going to throw a piano on a bonfire, which is probably one of the coolest responses I could have envisioned. Bonfires are super cool as it is, but throw a piano on top of it then that is a recipe for good times. He promises to send me pics and when I receive them later that night they are everything I had hoped they would be and more. Say what you will about this pandemic, but you need to appreciate the good with the bad.  Who needs online comedy shows when you can just watch pianos burn instead? As if the piano pic was not satisfying enough, he then sends me a video of the instrumentular destruction. As I nibble my cheese and watch the flames rise from the keys I know that tonight I will sleep well. 

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Grim reaper Cushions

5/16/2020

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I once again hobbled out of bed this morning careful not to hurt my injured toe. The nail is growing in nicely from when it fell off during the horrific yoga accident of last week. However, I now have an ingrown toenail on my OTHER big toe which is even more painful than the previous ailment. As much as it hurts to walk, I find comfort in the fact that at least my toes look symmetrical and I think it’s kind of funny that these injuries happened right after each other.
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I head downstairs as I do every Saturday morning to enjoy some delicious, nutritious left over Friday night pizza for breakfast. Sadly though this will not be the case as I was accidentally given the wrong order from the pizzeria last night and am stuck with a veggie pizza with vegan cheese. I’ve never had vegan cheese before and I don’t like to knock things until I’ve tried them, but I am now more than happy to knock vegan cheese all the way to Wuhan because it is super gross. Marie and I were very disappointed when we found out that we got the wrong order, but I feel much worse for the poor vegans who received our pepperoni and bacon meat murder pizza!

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It is a beautiful sunny day and I am thankful as I need to head out to the Niagara gorge to film a few more segments for the final Showcase Niagara concert this Wednesday. It’s so nice out that there is not a single spot to park, so we have to wait 5 minutes for a returning fisherman to vacate his spot for us to swoop in. The last time I saw a fisherman while hiking a few days ago I had said ‘I hope the fish weren’t social distancing from you’ and it was not very well received at all. I resist the urge to try the line again as Marie took way too much pleasure at my joke flopping the first time and I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of witnessing a double flop.

We stroll down to the secret spot overlooking the Niagara river where I have been filming my segments and we see that somebody has tied up their sweater around a tree next to where I usually stand. I wonder what it is doing there and whom it belongs to as it seems a very strange place to forget a sweater. Marie helps me set up the focus with the camera and then heads down the parkway for her daily jog.
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Just a few moments later, jogging in the opposite direction, comes along my good friend and talented artist Heather Fraser. It turns out that the sweater actually belongs to her and she hid it there for safe keeping because she was hot and planned to pick it up on the return leg of her run. I love it when funny coincidences happen in life and I seem to be noticing them more and more and I’m pretty sure they are not always just coincidences. The world is a magical and mysterious place even though it sometimes messes up your pizza order.
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My toe is throbbing maddeningly now from walking in my show shoes but there is no time to rest because sadly today is the day I promised Marie I would cut down the tree that grows in the corner of her vegetable garden. I really do not want to murder the tree and have tried in vain to make Marie feel bad about it, but she is adamant that it needs to go so that her veggies can grow. I am a little excited though because I get to use a super cool tool that I borrowed from my brother James. He owns a well respected construction company Ravenshead Homes and has tools for literally any job you will ever need to do. I have no idea what the tool is called but it looks badass and I’m definitely taking a picture with it later dressed up like the Grim Reaper.

After the tree is transformed into bundles of sticks it is time to tackle the removing of the pool cover. There is still a bunch of rain water in the middle of the pool that the pump can’t reach, so I fandangle an apparatus by taping a broom to the pool skimmer pole and then sweep the water over to the side to be pumped out. It’s an ingenious invention and I feel like a regular William Wonka. I contemplate how much easier all of these tasks would be if I had a team of Oompa Loompas to assist me. They wouldn’t even need to help, just singing songs in the background would dumpity do.
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Once the water is dispersed, my neighbours offer to come over to help pull off the pool cover as it's still quite heavy and Marie is too pregnant now to be lifting heavy objects. We are very lucky to have such friendly and helpful neighbours. Like State Farm insurance, they are always there.

Once all the chores are complete I head back inside to soak my throbbing foot in warm salt water and begin tackling the monstrous mess that is my inbox. There is a request for an interview with the local newspaper for tomorrow morning to chat about the online comedy show we are doing with the First Ontario Performing Arts Centre. There are also a couple of online comedy show bookings which I am quite excited about. We will be doing a show with The Exchange Brewery in NOTL on June 5th which I am super pumped for because the Exchange show crowds are always dynamite and very rarely do they offer me vegan cheese.

‘That Canadian Guy’ Glen Foster and I will also be teaming up for a show on May 23rd which I know will be a lot of fun as we always have great experiences working together and not once has he asked me to murder a poor defenseless tree. I figure I need to start writing new material so I decide to put my best foot forward and get to work. That’s the right foot for now but the way things are going lately that could change pretty quickly.



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Keep Rollin' rollin' rollin'

5/9/2020

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I hobbled out of bed this morning careful not to put pressure on my injured big toe. I had smashed it the night before in a devastating yoga accident while filming an intro segment for Wednesday nights Showcase Niagara show.  It hurt so much but I’m pretty proud that the first words out of my mouth after impact were a terrible yoga pun as opposed to a curse word.  True professionalism! You can view the ‘foot’age here and hopefully experience pleasure from my pain.  It was bloody traumatic. Emphasis on the bloody!

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The producers had requested that I ask the audience to support local businesses by emploring them to order take out from their favourite restaurants while viewing the show. I used this as an opportunity to give Rollin’ Pizza in St. Catharines a shout out, as it is my favourite pizza place right now and I want to make sure they stay in business.  I shoot them a quick e-mail to let them know how much I enjoy their pizza and to mention and that they will be broadcast on TV later that week during our fundraiser. Hopefully it will bring some new customers their way and maybe they will make a donation to the United Way Niagara. Marie thinks I’m just e-mailing them hoping they will give me some free ‘za, but she can’t prove these unfounded accusations.

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Marie is still upset with me because earlier this morning I had said that if we went to Hogwarts she would be in the Hufflepuff house and that I would be in Gryffindor. I stand by what I said but I can see she is annoyed so I try to calm the tension by yelling ‘GRIFFYNDOR’ in a spot on 'Sorting Hat' impression. Somehow this doesn’t lessen her despair. I say “Wow you are being such a Hufflepuff right now” and in retrospect that may have been a mistake, but I speak from the heart. That’s the Gryffindor way.
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Today is one of my best buddies and long time side kick Jeffrey Stroops birthday. He loves his birthday more than any grown man should and usually we all get together for a fun bowling outing, but it sucks this year that we are stuck at home. I know how disappointed he will be to miss hanging out with his friends so I decide to drop by his house for a surprise visit. I know he loves the subs from the sub shop near my house so I stop in to grab a couple for him. Technically they will be wrapped so it will be kind of like opening a present.  I’m surprised to find that the shop is cash only, which is the exact opposite of what I was expecting with the current pandemic. I hand the cashier a $20 and he hands me back what I’m sure is a filthy dirty COVID infested $10 bill. I make a mental note to wash it when I get home. Partly for safety reasons, but primarily so I can make a money laundering joke to Marie which I’m sure will get her out of her Hufflehuff.


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I drive to Welland and chat with the Stroopmeister for awhile (6 feet apart) and in the space of 10 minutes it goes from heavy snow to glorious sunshine. The world is a strange place these days. It was great to have human interaction with a friend although I couldn’t stay long as I had to return home to prepare for a fundraiser I was MC’ing. We were raising funds for my friend Jessica Victoria to publish her new book ‘So I said to my Anxiety’.  I’ve done quite a few online shows now since social distancing began and am enjoying them more and more. I can’t wait until this Fridays Contagious Comedy show. I’m for sure gonna do my awesome Sorting Hat “GRYFFINDOR!” impression and get the validation it deserves.


Once the show is over I have an inspired idea to photoshop Marie’s head onto a Hufflepuff uniform and send it to her. Despite all the horrible things this pandemic has caused at least it gives me time to perform important tasks such as this. I rush upstairs to see Marie’s reaction when she checks her phone and I stub my toe on the stairs and scream in agony. Toe-tally worth it. I hobble over to the computer desk to slump in the chair until the throbbing diminishes. It hurts tremendously but changing the computer background to Marie’s new portrait eases the pain.
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I decide it’s time to upload another TikTok video because I am now hopefully addicted to the app and it is quite worrisome. My original video that hit 100,000 views and got me hooked in the first place is now sitting at a cool 250,000+ and I have another video that just reached over half a MILLION! I’m not sure how many views you have to get before Ellen calls to ask me to come on her show but I figure the call must be imminent. I wonder how much free pizza I’ll get if I shout out Rollin’ Pizza on NBC.


For dinner I make us a taco salad while singing Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ and ‘Hello’ back to back at the top of my lungs and not at all off pitch. I ask Marie which rendition she preferred and she says she enjoyed both equally. Such a Hufflepuff response!

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That's what I'm tiktokkin about!

4/29/2020

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I woke up this morning like a kid on Christmas all giddy with excitement. I had posted a TikTok video the day before that was blowing up and I wanted to see if it had hit 100,000 views over night. I have no idea what I’m doing on TikTok but if I can’t tell jokes to crowds then I will inflict them on innocent TikTok users instead. My video is at 99.1K views. I ask Marie if she can call up 900 of her friends and tell them to download the app and watch my video. She says she doesn’t have 900 friends. What a loser!
 
I head downstairs to work on finishing up my new Live on Quarantine video. I had finished the editing the night before but now just have to add subtitles which shouldn’t take long at all. 3 hours later I return upstairs grumbling and mumbling about timing sequences. I really hope several deaf people watch my video because figuring out the subtitles made me want to rip my ears off. The only good thing about it was that I thought of a funny joke to tell Marie. “Do you know what my favourite subtitled movie is? U-571”!  She has no idea what I’m talking about and is too busy cleaning the kitchen to research why my joke is so clever. It's ok though because I explain it to her thoroughly which everyone knows is the key to making jokes extra funny.

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Marie tells me about the Good Morning America broadcaster who was causing controversy having given a newscast in his underwear and getting caught Live on TV in his gitch. I’m sure the glitch was intentional to get people talking and it worked like a charm. Maybe if I’d filmed my TikTok video in my boxers I would be at 100,000 views by now.

I look up the video of the GMA host and discover that it is Will Reeve, son of Christopher Reeve. I happened to meet Will down by the Falls a few months ago and he was a very nice fella who gave me tips about how to break into the media world. He didn’t give me his secret underwear tip though and the world is probably a better place for it. His Dad was Superman for crying out loud it's in his blood to have his underwear on display! 

I decide I am going to attempt to go the whole day wearing my comfy Montreal Canadiens flannel pajama pants and nobody is going to stop me. I have a Zoom meeting scheduled at noon to discuss the media launch of our Showcase Niagara concert series that I will be MC’ing. Tim Hicks is headlining the first show on Wednesday and I'm pretty excited. I wear a smart shirt for the meeting and was very professional but they had no idea that I was Will Reeving it down below.
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Afterwards,  I head to the kitchen to make some food. My mother in law had dropped off a couple of pies for us the day before. Apple for Marie, Shephards for me. I pop it in the microwave and as Marie hears the beeps she looks up from vacuuming and says “Put a lid on it please!”  I reply “You put a lid on it!” but only in my head as that’s the safest place for insults around a pregnant wife.
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I’ve had so much screen time working on my computer the last few days (and constantly refreshing TikTok to see my views) that I decide I should probably head outside for some fresh air. We drive down to Dufferin Islands for a stroll and to see the ducks. I argue that the ducks would love my flannel PJ’s but Marie tends to disagree. I relunctantly pop on a pair of jeans, heavy with the knowledge that I’ve failed at another goal in life.
 
It’s not too busy so we are able to stay a safe distance from people and more importantly from the angry gooses. I spot a goose from a distance and tell Marie to take a gander. She says “I knew you were going to say that”. I don’t know how she possibly could because its been a whole week since I’ve used that hilarious joke on her. 
 
We discover a teepee in the woods which gets me excited as teepees are my most favourite dwellings to take pictures inside. It’s a tight squeeze and I get covered in pine needles but it’s worth it because now I smell delightful.



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We head home and I walk through the kitchen to go get my phone which is charging in the living room. I discover that my video has finally hit 100,000 views and rush back into the kitchen to tell Marie. She is extremely impressed and not at all annoyed about the dozens of pine needles all over the kitchen floor that she had just finished vacuuming. I point out how nice and fresh the kitchen smells and not at all like salmon.

I have to film another Check Mates podcast soon and I worry that my sideburns are becoming too curly. Wearing pants and curly sideburns…I am a man of constant sorrow! Marie says I should try spiking it like Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius. That’s the 4th time she’s brought up Jimmy this month, I’m pretty sure she has a crush on him. For some reason I have a tube of spiking gel in my toilet bag which must be from the year 2002 during my Good Charlotte phase. The spiking is a huge success and I now look tremendously cool. Marie begins to swoon and I realize I’m on to something good. I take off my shirt and shower her in kisses and pine needles. That Jimmy really is a genius!

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The Perfect Date

4/25/2020

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As a wise woman once told me, April 25th is the perfect date. Not too cold, not too warm, all you need is a light jacket. I decided I was going to make the most of the improved weather, so I woke up early to make a nice breakfast. Marie still doesn’t quite trust me to make eggs, for reasons that will remain unspoken, so I decided to sauté up a batch of garlic baby mushrooms. Breakfast of champignons!

Marie has a pregnancy app on her phone that tells her how big our baby is in regard to fruits and vegetables. Apparently today our unborn child is the equivalent weight of a Pomelo, which I learn Is the principal ancestor of the grapefruit. I really hope that is a future answer on Jeopardy otherwise I don’t ever see use of that knowledge again. The app also tells us that Marie’s stomach is now the size of a soccer ball. The app is very brave because if I had said that I would have been in a lot of trouble.

We take this news as inspiration to get outside (safely) to go play some soccer. It felt so great to run around and play and to be honest I really needed the exercise. I don’t want my belly to become the size of a soccer ball. Or even a Pomelo for that matter. I brag to Marie that I have never been scored on by a pregnant woman before and 10 seconds later she scores on me. I obviously let the goal in on purpose to be a nice husband but she refuses to believe me.

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After soccer we rush home because it has been an entire 27 minutes since Marie last went to pee and she must go immediately if she is going to maintain her 48 times per day routine. My hair is sweaty from soccer and the fact that there is so damn much of it lately. Marie asks if it is the longest it’s ever been and I tell her about the time I used to have major sideburns. She doesn’t believe me so I show her the picture and she agrees that I looked super duper cool and not at all foolish and she wishes she had known me back then. It was emotional to scroll back through all of my facebook pictures to find the old photo. Seeing all the fun times I’ve had, and the friends that I’ve enjoyed them with really hit home how much I am missing everyone.
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We decide to make a quick lunch before heading out to Queenston Heights for a walk and to visit our tree. I try to open a tin of salmon but the can opener is having issues and I am clearly struggling. I say “Ahhh more like cannot opener!” and turn to Marie because I know how much she will enjoy me saying this amazingly funny joke for the 5th time since we’ve been in isolation. She is making a smoothie and cutting up some strawberries and grapes because she hates the smell of salmon.  I ask her if she is looking forward to my salmon farts later, then feel immediate regret that I didn’t say ‘fishy farts’ instead. I confess this to her and she agrees wholeheartedly that alliterative fart humour is much more high brow.
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We drive to Queenston Heights via the Stanley Avenue industrial road and as a stench fills the car Marie asks me if I have farted. I promise her that I haven’t and that this road always smells because when they dug the big water tunnel a few years back they didn’t realize there was a large methane supply in the ground so now it always stinks. She remembers that I have actually explained this to her before. I remember that time vividly because on that occasion I actually had farted as I knew I could get away with it.
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Brocks Monument greets us as we enter Queenston Heights and I am excited as this is one of my favourite places in the world. I am immediately annoyed however, as I see that they have installed new parking meters and will soon be charging ridiculous prices just to take a walk in the park. I don’t want to rant about it because then I won’t stop, but I wish whoever made that decision gets locked in a room with a fishy farter.

We stroll through the park and visit our tree that I planted there 4 years earlier. That was a particularly hot summer so I had to drive out there every day to water it so it wouldn’t die. It is growing healthily now thankfully, and I can’t wait to bring our daughter here to visit. Hopefully I will be able to afford the parking prices that will undoubtedly rise every year. We give the tree a quick pruning and a bit of water, which is a bad idea as now Marie needs to pee again.

I drop Marie off at home and then head over to Food Basics to buy some groceries. Its weird how going to the store now feels like a spy mission as I armour up in my gloves and mask and psych myself up to be in and out as soon as possible. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for the workers there. They literally put their lives at risk every day to go to work for less money than all the ‘non-essential’ workers are getting to stay home. It really upset me to see one of the cashiers being yelled at by some rude entitled lady because she was mad that there was a limit of one bag of flour per customer. I made a point of choosing that cashiers line when It was my time to check out so I could tell her how much I appreciated what she was doing and that I hoped she has an amazing evening. It was the yeast I could do.

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As I was leaving the store, I noticed that my poster for the Garden City Comedy Festival was still hanging on the noticeboard. I also noticed that my hair was much shorter and neater in the picture. I’m going to need new head shots at this rate. I don't dare let Marie come near me with a pair of scissors. Not after I've just bought 4 more tins of salmon. I load all the groceries into my car, pleased that I had managed to find almost everything on the list. Unfortunately, they were fresh out of Pomelos…
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The Isolation Diaries

4/23/2020

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Woke up a little groggy this morning but was excited because I get to leave the house today for a small excursion. It’s my brother-in-laws birthday so my wife made a fun little sign to put on his lawn so that neighbours will honk. He will surely hate that, but my wife loves making signs so as long as she is happy I will encourage it.

On the drive there Marie mentions that she had called a pediatrician’s office to see if they were taking new patients as we have a baby on the way. The receptionist was rude and not very helpful. I said that was to be expected because pediatricians have very little patience. She asks “why is that?” I pretend not to hear and say “What?”. She asks “Why do pediatricians have very little patience?”. I grin a cheeky grin and she rolls her eyes and my strike one of awful puns permitted per day is already on the board.
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We arrive at her brothers’ house to drop off his present and to retrieve the sign that her mother sneakily placed on the lawn earlier that morning. The carboard can be thrown out but she needs the stakes to make a new sign for her sister-in-laws upcoming birthday. Marie places the stakes on the floor of the car and sanitizes her hands after touching them. I mention that there was unlikely to be in any risk of contamination because the stakes are low. I grin widely and accept my strike 2.

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We return home and I decide to make a whipped coffee to remedy my grogginess. It is extremely  delicious but now Marie is concerned as apparently, I become excessively annoyingly punny under  the influence of caffeine. As I spoon out the instant coffee I ask if that would be ‘grounds for  divorce’?  She pretends to not find it funny but I know deep down she thinks I’m hilarious.


I have a Zoom meeting scheduled for 11am to discuss an upcoming Niagara concert series that I will  be MC’ing. My camera keeps freezing up due to bandwidth issues because Marie is currently on  her  treadmill and streaming one of her shows. Pretty Little Gossipers I think it’s called. I ask if she  wouldn't mind pausing it for a few minutes so I can finish the meeting and she agrees so long as I  promise to  stop with the annoying puns. I reluctantly agree, but little does she know that two of my  fingers are  overlapping each other in a crossing motion which renders the agreement null and void.


After the meeting is over I come upstairs and am informed that Marie has her own scheduled staff  meeting online shortly so could I please refrain from using the internet, which is great news  because  I  really don’t want to watch Pretty Little Gossipers.

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I decide I will try to be productive and attempt to assemble the new dresser for the babys room. The dresser was manufactured on Cottontail Lane which I thought was hilarious and I wonder if there is anyone named Peter who lives there. One can only hop.

The dresser assemblage turns out to be much easier than I had anticipated. This made me very happy. The hardest part was tearing up the box to fit into garbage bags. I was also very happy with the fact that I now had tons of Styrofoam blocks to make a cool fort. Marie thinks this is a bad idea as the Styrofoam will break apart and make a huge mess.

My fort building was a huge disaster and now there are tiny staticky Styrofoam pieces everywhere and the basement is a huge mess. I don’t want to vacuum as the noise will attract Marie and I don’t want her to know that she was right. So I sweep it all up with a broom and dustpan but my hands are all shaky from too much caffeine and I keep spilling more on the floor.

Once the mess is tidied I come back upstairs to see what Marie is doing. She is crafting with her Cricut machine and making towels with funny sayings written on them. It makes me very sad that the towels are funnier than I am, but at least I can use the towels to soak up my tears.

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I use the sadness as motivation to write some new material for my newest ‘Live on Quarantine’ episode. I watched the movie ‘Se7en’ a few days ago and thought it would be funny to hold a box and yell  ‘What’s in the box?! What’s in the box??!’  before opening it and  pulling out a number ‘7’. I ask Marie if she can make me a ‘7’ with  her Cricut and she agrees without even asking what it is for  because she already knows the answer will cause more eye rolling  and her retinas are overworked as it is.

Once I have my ‘7’ I am excited to film my new segment but am  soon disappointed when I realize that I don’t have a box. My  sadness amplifies when I realize that I have just finished  destroying a perfectly good box an hour earlier. I now truly  understand Brad Pitts despair. The towels grow soggy and heavy  from my tears.

I decide to focus on a different project and work on editing our latest episode of Check Mates, the new chess themed podcast that I host with Sab Powers. We were filming late last night with guests Rihan Rahsi and Chris Boboros until 1:30am and that’s probably why I was so tired this morning. I should have gone to bed afterwards but ended up playing 5 extra games with random people online. I beat a kid from India but lost to players from Spain, Ukraine and Bangladesh. The last game was against a guy from the Czech Republic and I sent him a message in chat saying that we were ‘Czech Mates'! He immediately resigned and logged out. Every win counts! 😊

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